i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Randomize
