Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
