Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
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