apparently the secret to your success is patron
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Randomize
