Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
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