im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Randomize
