Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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