therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
Randomize
