Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Randomize
