That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
