i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
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