Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
my phone needs a breathalizer
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
Randomize
