New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
Randomize
