I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
Randomize
