dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
Randomize
