Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
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