theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
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