Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
Randomize
