It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Randomize
