I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
