why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
so much tequila, so little girl.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
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