There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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