420 ftw
oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
