fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
