No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
My life is pants optional.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
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