no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
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