I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
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