It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
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