Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
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Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
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I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
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