So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
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