She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
