i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
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I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
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Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
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