So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
COCAINE IS GR8
Randomize
