Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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