Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Randomize