I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Randomize
