the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Randomize
