well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
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