that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
Randomize
