just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Randomize
