Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
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