at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
