You really coming over, don't trick.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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