you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Randomize
