dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
