we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
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