Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
Define "chronic" masturbator.
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
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