Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
She looked like Sean Connery with cleft lip. So to answer your question, yes I put it in her butt.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Randomize
