Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Randomize
