Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
Randomize
