No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
if i died would you start the facebook group?
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Randomize
