the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
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