is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
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