"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
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