my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
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