just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Randomize
