Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
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