marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Randomize
