I can't breathe out the right side of my face
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
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