With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
You're a waste of cheezeits
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
Of course I have a pirate flag
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
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