me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
Randomize
