Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Randomize
