A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
