My brain says no but my pants say off.
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
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