The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
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